What a horrible year! Seriously, we thought 2020 was like a drugged-out meth binge, but 2021 was like a meth-lab exploding! What a year!

Here is our half-assed year in review of 2021. 

  • We started off 2021 with a big party put on by Donald Trump to congratulate Joe Biden on becoming President on Jan 6th. The crowd got very rowdy, but were just excited tourists for the most part. 
  • Antifa showed up and really messed up the guided tours the Trump supporters were on. That really set the tone for the year.
  • Trump got kicked off Twitter and Facebook. Mutliple other really great social media sites like FrankSpeech, Gettr and Truth Social appeared although Gettr is the only one you could login to. 
  • We have two Americas now more than ever amplified through TV and media where everyone thinks the other side is trying to take their stuff and kill them. Some say we are in a culture war. Some violently disagree. 
  • Biden sure is old.
  • Bernie Sanders wore mittens and brought good into the world via memes on the interwebs.
  • Voting technology company Smartmatic files a $2.7 billion lawsuit against Fox News, some of the network’s star hosts say hogwash and continue to be the most celebrated journalists in the world. Fair and balanced!
  • There’s a big snowstorm in Texas and it is somehow the fault of some solar panels and windmills. Not the Texas electrical grid. That couldn’t be a problem at all.
  • Biden signed the American Rescue Plan. No Republicans voted for it, but they took the credit for all the good stuff.
  • There were a lot of shootings per usual.
  • Has anyone noticed how old Biden is?
  • A jury finds former Minneapolis Police officer Derek Chauvin guilty of all three charges against him in the killing of George Floyd. Racist people are pissed! 
  • In the world of entertainment, people loved watching attractive people have sex and stuff in Brirgerton some show on Netflix. 
  • Why do people care about the royal family and prince woke and duchess of who is she again? 
  • A ransomware attack takes place on an oil pipeline. People panic and buy gas. They then blame the hack for rising gas prices when it was actually just people panicking buying. This happens a lot now. 
  • House Republicans vote to oust Rep. Liz Cheney from her leadership post after she publicly rejected for months Trump’s lie that he won the 2020 presidential election. It was just a big party after all. The Senate fails to advance a bill to create an independent inquiry to investigate the deadly January 6 Capitol Hill riot. Only six GOP senators vote in support of the bill. It was just a party. Jeez. 
  • Matt Gaetz starts a sexy daycare for kids.
  • Instagram went down for four hours and influencers realized their life had no life and their existence is nothing. Then some of them remembered Twitter and went there for a few hours. 
  • Brazil president had hiccups for 10 days 
  • Damn. Biden is pretty old. Has anyone else noticed that?
  • Biden signs legislation establishing June 19 as Juneteenth National Independence Day, a federal holiday commemorating the end of slavery in the United States. That really pisses some people off.
  • US cities in the Pacific Northwest, including Portland and Seattle, report their hottest temperatures on record. Get some Mountain Dew and enjoy that EXTREME weather!
  • Bill Cosby is released from prison after Pennsylvania’s highest court overturns his 2018 sexual assault conviction, saying the disgraced actor’s due process rights were violated. Once again proving if you have a bunch of money lawyers will get you out of anything. Unless you are R.Kelly and peeing on children. That seems to be where the line has been drawn. 
  • New York prosecutors charge the Trump Organization and Trump Payroll Corporation with 10 felony counts and Chief Financial Officer Allen Weisselberg with 15 felony counts in connection with an alleged tax scheme stretching back to 2005. Trump didn’t do anything wrong it was Allen the whole time.
  • Vaccines for everyone! We are back! 
  • Free donuts for everyone with a vaccine from Krispy Kreme! If COVID doesn’t kill you diabetes will! USA! USA! USA! 
  • Half the population is doing their own research. 
  • In this episode of Humanity – Billoniares go to space!
  • Two weeks later. Spoke too soon half the people won’t get vaccinated but will drink Diet Coke and eat Subway and claim to be healthy. 
  • Texas is back to trying to save humans before birth, so they can shit on them later in life. 
  • Billionaires space boners continue with William Shatner going to space. 
  • Everyone wanted to leave and had an amazing exit strategy for Afghanistan, but no one told Biden about their strategy. 
  • Pepe Le Pew got canceled and so did Mr. Potato Head. The world will never be the same. 
  • Biden pulls out of Afghanistan and it does not go very well. EVERYONE had a better plan. LITERALLY, EVERY SINGLE PERSON HAD A BETTER PLAN. 
  • Thanks to whistleblowers it is deemed Facebook and Instagram are bad for us. This was pretty obvious already, but you know how it goes. 
  • Facebook changes its name to Meta. Mark Zuckerberg’s avatar looks more human than him.
  • The media talks about Biden being really old.
  • Congress passes a $1.2 trillion bipartisan infrastructure bill after months of internal deliberations. On November 15, Biden signs the bill into law.
  • Kyle Rittenhouse becomes a hero for part of the population. Bets on when he kills more people and/or runs for Senate as a Republican start in Vegas. 
  • More mass shootings. 
  • Trump and Bill O’Reilly are booed due to admitting they took the COVID vaccine. A sentiment they helped create. The United States surpasses 800,000 Covid-19 deaths, so no big deal. 
  • Joe Rogan says masks are the liberal’s version of MAGA hats. Republican doctors, nurses, and dentists are very upset. 
  • Christmas is canceled according to people who really love Christmas. 
  • Elon Musk is a person of the year. He traveled to space to masturbate on earth to celebrate. 
  • When polled survivors of COVID say:
  • Ghislaine Maxwell was found guilty of five of six counts of sex trafficking. Maxwell could now face up to 65 years in prison and we will have to wait and see.
  • Patriot and time-traveler for the future Alex Jones threatens to ‘dish dirt’ on Trump for pushing vaccine.
  • Republicans are very mad AOC took a vacation. AOC says they “If Republicans are mad they can’t date me they can just say that instead of projecting their sexual frustrations onto my boyfriend’s feet.”
  • To really push the idea through that 2021 was like an exploding meth lab Betty White passed away at 99 on New Year’s Eve. That’s the universe telling us to fuck off!
  • But hey! Have no worries Bill Gates is optimistic for the future! 

On that note! Happy New Year! Who knows what will happen! Literally, no one knows what will fucking happen and may the Gods have mercy on our souls.